Zuzana

There's this chick named Zuzana. She has this workout website called www.bodyrock.tv She's amazing. I did this workout today

http://www.bodyrock.tv/2009/10/21/todays-workout-prison-cell-exercises/

called the prison cell workout (thusly named because you can do it with an abysmal lack of space).

It took me 23:51

My form was slightly terrible, but it was the most miserable 23 minutes of my life! lol I'm going to try to workout with her more frequently? anyone want to join me? I'm doing the earlier workout because as time goes by, she ads equipment which I'm currently in no mood to purchase considering we'll be moving soon. Let me know!

Samuel says.....

Samuel says:

up, mommy, daddy, Jaeger, doggy, duck, quack, moo, baa, woof, ssss (as in snake says...), bubba (brother), EAT, night night, hi, bye bye, here you go, i did it, all done, yay, ball, water, juice, chicken, bok bok (for chicken noise), book, uh oh, fall down, eyes, pooo stinky (don't ask), poop, please, teeth, nana, pup (by which he means pop), bath, shoes, socks

Samuel does:

runs, throws, walks, climbs EVERYTHING, twists the doorknob in an attempt to open the door, brushes his teeth, tries very hard to put on his shoes, points to his nose, mouth, eyes and ears, waves hi and bye, hugs, kisses, watches potty habits very closely and takes off his pants, climbs up onto the stool, and tries to get the soap to wash hands, runs to hug you with arms up and open, takes his brother down like a football player by wrapping his arms around nick's legs, follows nick everywhere

I'm sure I'm forgetting things, and I'm sure this doesn't seem all that impressive. Samuel is 16 months old in four days, and I'm proud of him and think he's wonderful and fabulous- cuz I'm his Mama :) Anyway- what else.

School is making my head want to explode, and frequently I feel like I'm not going to get anything done or that I don't care at all whether I get it done. I got 4.0 last semester with five classes, but they were during a whole semester not summer. And I didn't have a husband with me, so I rarely had to make dinner, do my hair, work out frequently, organize anything based on anyone else's schedule, or make time to just hang out.

Having said that, I'm surviving. I've been at the gym 11 of the past 12 days, and I'm proud of that!

Nicholas is doing exceptionally well. He is thriving with his daddy back in his life, although he is still insecure when hubby leaves for any period of time. His birthday is coming up, and I have done little to no planning. Having said that- I did choose a venue and purchase a limited amount of invitations.

I'm going to throw a ridiculously fantastical graduation party- finances permitting. (assuming I survive the semester haha)

Nicholas says to me yesterday, "then what happens, mommy? Does it revert to its original size?" I 'bout fell out my chair.

Earlier that day he asks me, "Mommy, where's my soul? Is it in my head?" WHAT. ARE YOU KIDDING? My 3 year old wants to know what a soul is? How do I couch that concept in three year old terms, I'd like to know.

I have no idea where we're moving to. Career plans for hubby are stalled/changing. All I know is that after I graduate in August, we will likely move. Could be.... pretty much anywhere. Funny thing is- I'm not upset. Now if he tells me I'm going to Miami or Rochester or California, I'll be upset.

Meanwhile, Matthew and I are looking at our fourth wedding anniversary in a few days. Longest of my relationships by far. And we're still chugging along. His coming home has made me love him in a whole new way. I appreciate him more now. Recognize his value. Adore him a lot. Have no idea what I'm going to get him for our anniversary. A card....? LoL he's hard to buy for!

So that's the brief update for now. I guess I better go do some homework- crap.

fml

FML. The following is witty whining. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "fml" the M stands for "my" and the L stands for "life". 'Nough said. g


****Before reading this blog. on a personal note. if you know my parents. please. do not call them and bug them about crap you read here. pretend we are not related. they get all these calls about my blogs like "ohmg. why didn't you tell me about the _____?! adn when did the ______ happen?! Please stop it. If you want to call them and chat to them, do so. If you want to know the good dirt via my blog- do so. But don't out me! THANKS! *********


It all started about 2 weeks ago with the Sickness Setback. Here I was on my 2nd week of school, and Samuel John gets an ear infection. It's "the norm" at our house, but still annoying when you're just getting used to your class schedule and have to get textbooks and figure out syllabii and you're up every couple hours during the night. So we got him to the Dr. and got antibiotics. He began feeling better with the noteable exception of explosive diarrhea. All over my arm. Yeah.

Theeeeeenn ensued the great Horrifying Hormone Hillarity. I stopped breast feeding and started feeling AWESOME. I started taking birth control and started feeling crazy, cramping and having the mother nature's visit, sobbing frequently, breaking out in pimples, and the food cravings returned with a VENGEANCE. I think mother nature is actually a man because he's totally an asshole, and next time I see him- I'm going to kick him in the balls. Annnyway.

The hormone hillarity likely helped spur the communication calamity. Mom has been taking care of the children while I run around like a mad woman obtaining textbooks and i.d.s and going to class, etc. She is, therefore, exhausted. In fact, I'm probably not her favorite person. Mom has this face- it's the same face whether she's mad at you, exhausted, or sick. The mouth says "Jessica. Stop asking. I'm fiiiiiine." The face says "get the hell away from me before I slap you upside your head." So I kept asking her in various ways what was wrong trying to discern the problem until finally I just got pissed off at her and started stomping around. So here she is thinking I'm a totally ungrateful brat who is mad at her for being tired, and I'm thinking she is really mad at me and refuses to tell me why but in the mean time won't hug me or chit chat with me. Anyway, we sorted it all out after some tears, and I am definetly seeking some more help with babysitting so that she won't be so tired.

Dad came home from Ecuador somewhere around week 2 of school for me. When I saw him, he looked way yucky. Tired or bothered by his allergies or catching a cold or something. Begin Flu Fiasco. He spent like a day in bed, began having trouble breathing, brutal body aches, and intense head pain. Mom took him to the ER where they ascertained he had H3N5 or H1N1 or H2N6^2 or some crap. He had brought home holy hell flu from Ecuador and was only beginning a battle that is still continuing on now. He has anti-virals and inhalers and steroids and all kinds of freakin' craziness. I was PETRIFIED that we were all gonna get it. At that point, the plan was to just drop out of school and move into a cardboard box or something. But anyway, by some MIRACLE, even Mama who was sleeping in the same bed with him, managed to avoid it. Thank you, Jesus!

After the hormone hillarity, and the communication calamity, and the flu fiasco, I was ready to just get back to my darn homework. Fail. Commence Computer Crisis. I turned my computer off- it was fine. I turned my computer On- it would not turn on. I tried all kinds of different things as advised by computer guru friends, called Dell who happily informed me my warantee had expired, contacted best buy where hubby had purchased the laptop- no dice. I decided I HAD to get it evaluated, so I called this "fix it" co. The guy explained that he could get to it that night, and I may even have it by the next morning- yay! I drove out there and dropped it off. Next morning? No call. I called
"oh- ehm- it's not the OS, it's the hard drive. Do you want me to replace it?"
"yes."
"ok."
"ok what? when will it be done"
"oh. uhm, the tech is on another case at someone's home and gets off at 4. i'll let him know you want it replaced."
"oh. then... when I can I have it?"
"tomorrow, I get out of class at 1, so i'll call you then"
"will anyone be at the store for me to pick it up before 1?"
"no, I'll have it with me"

next day
"hi. do you have my comp fixed?"
"oh, I think the tech comes home around 3, so I should know for sure by then"
"when can i come get it???!!!"
"Well i have class at 5, so hopefully before then because I won't be here after then"
"can I go to the tech's house and pick it up?"
"oh. yeah. that'd be fine."

I call the tech
"hi. i'm the woman on the edge with the inspiron."
"did you pay?"
"yes"
"you can come get it. i fixed it :) "
"ok."
"oh- one other thing. did you give us a power cord."
"YES.... WHY?"
"shop owner guy didn't give me the power cord."
"*thinks to herself "fml"*"

I call the shop guy
"power cord?"
"oh. right. i gave danny the wrong one."
"i'll leave it outside the store in a bag, so after you pick up your laptop from his house, you can drive over here and get the power cord at the shop"
"geee, thanks."

Then of course, by the time i did all that running around, I was late to class which I do NOT like, and it cost me an extra hour away from my kids- an extra hour my exhausted mom and sick dad watched them for me. Fine.

A;SDFLKJASD;L FA;LSDJFA;SDLNV;BSNA; uhm. anyway. so they did fix the thing. I'm on it now, and it's processing like a champ, but I swear my head exploded a couple of times during the whole thing.

While all this was going on, I was attempting to piece together my life because of course two of my textbooks are ebooks and more than half my notes are on the damn laptop. I go to class Monday morning, and my teacher, Jerry, likes to play with the lights. Turn them on. Dim them. Turn them off. Brighten them. I guess he thinks it will help us keep our pulse and o2 saturations to normal levels while in his coma- uh- i mean- "class". So I find the light thing annoying, but not like Monday. Monday I found the light thing painful, and then reading was painful, and then it was painful just to breathe, and then I felt like I was going to puke, and then I did puke. May I present: the Migraine Misfortune! yay! I tumbled out of class, called a few people who had had migraines before and asked them what to purchase from Walgreens to maybe keep my cranium from oozing out my nostril. Excedrine for Migraines is a miracle, and about an hour later, I could focus AND function. go figure.

Test Tribulation. Now no computer means I have to go to campus to take my online quizzes, and I have no notes. I take the quizes and do decently. I have to take the test a day early b/c mom and dad have to go home a day early, and I didn't realize that the test was this week. So I take the stupid thing and..... BAM. C. FML!!!!!! It's not awful. I just can't believe I'm starting out the semester with a freaking C. Not to mention I feel like I'm letting everyone down because everyone is making all these sacrifices for me to even go to school and I'm already screwing it up.

Workout Woes kick off here. All this stress and hormonal psychotic episodes up until this point has kept me from the gym and in the cookie bag. So Wednesday morning, mom says, "do you want to go to the gym?"
I say "no... not really."
"really."
"uh...."
"after all those spaghettios, and half a cookies and cream chocolate bar, and bread, and spaghetti. really. you're not going to the gym."
" *thinks to herself 'fml' " "okay mom. i'll get my bag."

i pack the shampoo and the water bottle and shoes like I usually do.
Samuel John is like "what the hell, mother. it is time for my morning nap. why am i dressed? why am i in the car? i hate you" I can tell this is what he's thinking. all he really said was something like "a-da" and "yawn" but anyway, I digress.

Prepare for the Mp3 Mishap: I get to the gym. I pee. Oh. Look. I've bled through my workout clothes- awesome. Oh. Look. MY MP3 PLAYER AND HEADPHONES HAVE DROWNED IN THE WHOOOLE BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO THAT HAS EMPTIED ITSELF IN MY GYM BAG! Are you freaking kidding me. So all my favorite mp3s? Can't reload them if I ever get a new mp3 player because all my files were unsalvageable from my hard drive. Now I have no awesome music on my computer or my mp3 player and no mp3 player or awesome pink headphones which my husband purchased specially for me right before he left for the sandbox to rock it out at the gym. I go work out in discretely bloody pants for 30 minutes and try to get on some machines- too freakin busy. I give up and go to hit the showers- all of them taken. I go to pick Samuel up from the KidZone- pissy, making everyone miserable, and tired.

Here's what I've taken from the Weeks of Whining and Wah.
Just Be Grateful!
If you get a sickness setback, quit feeling sorry for yourself and just be grateful it's not a flu fiasco.
If you have a computer crisis which causes a test tribulation- just be grateful that it's only a hard drive that's exploded and not your head i.e. migraine mishap.
If your hormones are horrific, beware communication calamity and treat yourself gently. i.e. don't go to the gym until your ready, even if you did gain three pounds because God may send you home with something like workout woes and an mp3 misfortune. Just be grateful that hormones are temporary and your family is amazing and will likely forgive you.

I'm currently having a shot, and I don't mean a vaccination. Here's to a new week with far less whining, wah, and woah!

If you read this- you're amazing. Thanks ;)

Circus Tricks

So I've been talking lately with my friends about depraved acts we women do in the bedroom to keep our men. I call them "circus tricks" and while I won't be outlining any of the details here, I thought it was worth the mention. I have been purchasing some "performance wear" for my circus tricks over the last few weeks because I will soon have the hubby back home. First I purchased 4 pairs of stiletto pumps and another of high wedge sandals- he's got a shoe thing. I also decided to bite the bullet and go to Victoria's Secret this evening. Now. When I was a 34A before the boob job and breastfeeding two children and immense weight gain, 40 lbs since I was 18 which was the last time I purchased from VS, I ranted about how Victoria's Secret was ridiculously overpriced and silly and the stuff wasn't even all that naughtty! I re-visited today because I now have curves, by which I mean fat, and breasts, and I can't seem to get anything to fit right, I have no idea what size I am, and they are having their semi annual sale. Let's just say i TOTALLY get why they are $50 a bra. and now. unfortunately. I am ruined for life. My circus tricks will now require performance wear from VS. wow!

Also, tomorrow I start school fulltime. 5 classes. I am excited but very nervous. I haven't been fulltime since 2006 or something, and of course now I have 2 children and a patriotically absent husband. Daycare plans are still under way. For now mom and dad are watching the boys. Wish me luck. I think I'm gonna need it!

Christmas Card Letter

Greetings! May I extend best wishes for your holiday season and the new year on behalf of our family! I wanted also to apologize for the lack of birthday and anniversary cards, emails, phone calls, thank you notes, presents, and general correspondence coming from us in the last year. I thought I would send along a brief summary of this year's chaos in case you wondered why you did not get a birthday or anniversary card, email, phone call, thank you note, present, or correspondence of any kind!

December 2009 brought us home to sunny funny Florida from arctic Rochester, NY. Hubby's responsibilities along the journey included: driving the huge truck; coaching me on how to not kill myself on the ice; negotiating the large trailer attached to the truck; feeding (including dealing with multiple food allergies), pacifying, and entertaining 2 year old Nicholas; dealing with my hunger and "call of nature" related emotional breakdowns; walking and feeding the dog at rest stops; paying for everything; and navigating the whole trip. My HERO! I was 8 months pregnant, and my responsibilities included: not wrecking. and listening to "Cheeseburger in Paradise", which I find to be the best driving music for snow storms. Haha. As we approached South Carolina, a miracle occurred. I was on the phone with Mama when I realized the white stuff by the side of the road was no longer snow/ice/mud/goo. It was COTTON! I wept for joy, and if I knew how to do a "rebel yell", I would have! We made it home in one piece and enjoyed a crazy/ beautiful Christmas at Mom and Dad's place with my brother and sister and all our munchkins.

The new year passed uneventfully and February brought us the birth of Samuel John. I think I did manage to send you a birth announcement - maybe my only outgoing mail for the year. He is 10 months now and walking, smiling, laughing, and jibber jabbering. He is such an easy going, happy child. What a joy!

The hubby left us in July. Our last days at home were a freakin nightmare because Nicholas contracted the stomach virus from hell- so bad we had to take him to the ER (the first of many trips during this year). Then we ALL got it, and I mean all of us- even Nana and Pop. I feel God was trying to teach us not to suffer too much from the separation, that we should all just be thankful to be alive and not vomiting. Thanks, Jesus. haha! Since his deployment, I have been able to speak to hubby frequently via phone or email. He seems to be doing as well as can be expected in a war zone surrounded by dirty men and sub optimal bathroom facilities. His facebook status updates are agitated and cynical, but he was agitated and cynical before he left.... (just kidding!)

In August, Nicholas, or Pickle as we like to call him lately, began preschool. He loves the directors and his teachers and (some of) his classmates. He is deeply passionate about race cars and he and Pop (my dad) spend hours racing go karts at a local thrill park, driving RC cars, thumbing through techy magazines, watching Nascar, and discussing their mutual need for speed in terms of RPM, MPH, horsepower, and whether or not they are inclined to "drop the hammer". Mom and I are just glad they have each other. We shake our heads and chat about fashion and makeup. Speaking of Mom, she and Dad have been spending about 80% of their time here in Palm Bay with me saving me from my children and vice versa. I've taken to calling Mama the "good little elf" because I'll go out to run an errand or take a nap and return to find that *poof* the laundry is done, the dishes are put away, the carpet has been vacuumed, the whole house is pressure washed, the lawn is newly landscaped, etc. They make every day easier for us, and I am truly blessed to have them. Thanks, Mom and Daddy.

In October, Nicholas decided to experiment with not holding on to the swing in midair. The result was our second trip to the ER 2010.

November brought a new realization in the battle that was becoming Nicholas' health. He had some sort of food allergy, and we couldn't figure out what. Abstaining for everything on the planet finally lead us to the solution: no soy, almonds, strawberries or MILK of any kind. All the stomach complications from the food allergy produced a hernia that had us in the ER again. The hernia was corrected 12/6, but complications from the anesthesia during surgery lead to an aspiration (stomach contents ended up in his lungs), which produced a panicked Nicholas upon waking up (3 nurses had to hold him down), which lead to the need for more sedation, which lead to decreased oxygen saturation, which got us a one night stay in the pediatric ICU. It was a nightmare, but he is 100% better now, and I have many blessings to count this Christmas!

I start back to school in January. Hubby comes home in April. Life is chaos but full of love and laughter. I fully intend to be a better friend this year. Thank you for supporting us with your prayers and kindness and understanding. Merry, Merry Christmas!

Thanatopsis

So live, that when thy summons comes to join

The innumerable caravan which moves

To that mysterious realm where each shall take

His chamber in the silent halls of death,

Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,

Scourged by his dungeon; but, sustain'd and soothed

By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,

Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch

About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.

Rosalie Gwinn died. Why does death do this to us? Make us realize "i should have called her! i should have told her how she changed me. I should have appreciated him. I should have thanked him for everything." I'm not sure there are words enough to say how you changed me Miss Gwinn. You never accepted mediocrity from me. You gave it to me straight when I asked for advice. I think you and my husband are really the only two people who have ever had the courage to be "hard" on me to my face. I'll never forget the little Christmas gift you gave me and Liz. I kept the empty bottle of bath and body works evergreen hand sanitizer long after it ran out. The smell still makes me think of you. You made me memorize Thanatopsis. You introduced me to "hawk roosting" and that English poet that died in WWII- he wrote about the sounds of the gas bombs. You picked on me for my pronunciation during my impersonation of Jordan from Great Gatsby. You had us all memorize all the acts and scenes from Hamlet in case it came up on our IB oral. I ended up getting that Robert Frost poem- Mending Wall, and you had taught me very well. I aced it. You introduced us all to macbeth and the awful Madame Bovary. But more than books and poems. Your smile was one of the most amazing I've ever seen. Not just in your mouth or your eyes, but all over your face, throughout your whole body, down to your toes! You were never meek or softspoken. You had fire in your belly and that insatiable lust for life, but not just any life- a righteous one. One filled with educating (difficult) young adults and devoting yourself to your family. The world will miss you, Miss Gwinn. I will miss you. I'm sorry I didn't find you and have lunch with you and tell you that I'm forever changed because you knew me. That I will forever remember Thanatopsis and I will be always inspired by you and the way you lived this journey. It's but a few words. It's but a weak entry in a little read blog, but you live on through those whose lives you touched, and there are so many of us. Thanks for everything.... and sleep sweetly.

Looking Up from the Bottom

So, I hate to leave things here on a slit your wrists awful kind of awful note as was my last entry. Thus, once I got cheery news, I decided to follow up!



Nicholas has an open house for his preschool today. He starts tomorrow! *gasp!* I really can't get over how big he's getting. He also made a huge poop in the potty today- not that you really wanted to know that unless of course you work at Kid Zone in which case you are ECSTATIC at the thought of not having to clean his stanky butt every day. Anyway, he's getting so big it's out of hand. I can see it now. Next week it'll be, "mom. Can I have $40 to take [ insert the name of some random hussy girlfriend who his mummy will simply despise ] to a movie? also, I need a check for my football uniform and the car keys. thanks."



Samuel John now whines "mama". no, he doesn't say "mama". He only whines it. It goes something like this "waaaahaahahah ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ah mamama whwaaaaaaaa brrrrrrr mamaamamamamama" I'm not sure this counts, but I'm going to say it does. He also is sitting up unassisted for short bursts now!!! I could not be more thrilled! I remember what a relief it was for me when Nick began sitting up. Soon he can ride in the cart at the grociery store, take a bath at the same time as his big brother, eat more food and therefore demand less boob juice, and generally be a bit more interactive. I'm pumped.



Mom and Dad are on there way and I have the house 3/4 cleaned. I will accept this and push forward with my buttload of errands.



Finally, I saved the very best news for last. I heard his voice today. He called. And I answered. And his strong, melodic, comforting, soul exhalting voice came over the wire. Funny how easy it is to take these sorts of things for granted when you lead a normal life. Makes me think of all the times I hung up on him or didn't answer just to piss him off. Now I anchor my phone in my bra and whip it out breathlessly with hope to hear him. He sounded sad. I hope he wasn't sad. Well, I guess I kind of hope he was a little sad. It is important that we miss each other. I tried my best to be upbeat and positive and sound happy. I don't want him to worry. Don't want him to have to think about me being a ninny at home. Between you and I, I sobbed wildly after we were done chatting. It was just such a relief to really really know he's okay. It made the miles disappear and I could feel him again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder I suppose, and if that's true, I'm going to start spouting sonnets any day now, haha.

Well, that's all I had to say. Just wanted to perk things up.