will you marry me?

Nicholas no longer stays in his bed until you come to get him. He got out of bed 8 times before giving up last night, once at 4:50AM this morning, twice before his nap, and maybe 4 times before bed tonight. This makes for less sleep and less peace in general.

Samuel John has lost all sleep training progress I had made due in part to his weepy eyeball, part due to his refusal of all fake nipples ie binkies, part due to my not being firm and simply putting the boob in his face to quiet him.

I laid around in my bed eating cookies with Nick this morning, and it subsequently gave him diarreah and a horrible red diaper rash. Nice mom. Make him fat AND miserable. oops.

I nearly canceled my personal training appointment but decided it would be bad. Stress makes me eat, and this personal training thing helps me not want to cheat and eat cookies and be lazy (with the exception of today b/c I was uber depressed due to missing my Matthew deeply after a lovely four day weekend and some crappy news being passed down the pipe.)

So I went to the training appointmet- and got stronger. yay! Nicholas said to me, "Miss Becky is going to help Mama be stronger!" It was so cute I wanted to pop his head like a pimple! I got Nick home and got him dinner and a bath. Then Mom and Daddy came, and I was so excited!

Then. It happened. I decided to take out the trash. And this is what I see one of these....

Yeah. ohmfg. it's a brown widow. apparently slightly less evil than the black one b/c they inject less venom per bite. It's wedged up unde the lip of the garbage can which means that had Jesus not deeply loved me, I woulda stuck my hand up there and got a not so friendly "hello." So. It scared the shit out of me, so I hesitated before I killed it, giving it just enough time to escape up under the lid. So I went in and got Daddy and he came out with me to "end" her. We looked for what seemed like hours but was probably about 1o minutes. Well. shit. we couldn't find her. So that thing is wandering around in my garage. great. well. it gets better. you ready? So.... we push the garbage can back inside after giving it a thorough inspection only to disturb one of these.....

My father, My Hero, helps it out of the garage while I try and get out a hoe to behead the beast. It slithered away and, all fingers, toes, and other digits in tact, I was free to have a complete sob fest/ freak out extravaganza in the garage. Seems like lately as soon as I say to myself, "it's okay, Jessi. This single mom thing is going to work out fine. you can do it," the ASS falls out and something crazy happens. ie a couple of weeks ago when my car battery died and I had both boys in the middle of a Publix parking lot sweating balls and screaming. That happened just after the hubby became complETEly unreachable for a couple days, and thank God a bunch of dear friends came to the rescue. Back to the garage. Just afterward, my darling husband called, and I yelled at him and cursed at him for not being able to be here as if he didn't want to be. Of course he did. Of course he couldn't. I told him I wanted to speak to his commander. That I was going to DEMAND he not be allowed to go and instead stay here with me to kill snakes and spiders for me. For some reason, he didn't give me the number!?! haha

UPDATE: We subsequently found and murdered the brown widow with a wooden stake. And I am now brave enough to enter my garage (during the daytime only of course....)

I need friends. a lot more of them. who can fill positions for my husband. Here are the ones that are available:

• general contractor
• snake and spider killer (obviously)
• vehicle mechanic (only outside of standard maitenance for which I have a service plan)
• babysitter
• cook
• entertainer
• date night hotty
• shoulder to cry on
• i'm sorry. you can't stand in for him on the sex thing. i kind of promised to remain celibate while he's gone... i know. it's old fashioned ;) .....
• singer of chillean love songs/ comedian
• general g.i.joe type to wander around the yard with a gun and a flashlight anytime there's a noise in the night.
• someone to pick on me, especially about my gardening
• umbrella holder/door opener/ cheer-er upper
• someone to make me laugh, mostly when I cry and am adamant not to laugh

pay will be... nothing. but i will probably write you a thank you note. you may get chocolate chip cookies out of the deal, and I promise to smile a lot!