Monday, September 14, 2009

Adventures in Suburbia

This may seem so boring to those of you who have bigger adventures, but I have a suburban little life and suburban little adventures.

Nudists at the Y:
So... at my YMCA the women in the ladies locker room have no idea what modesty is about. This particular Y even has the luxury of changing stalls like at a department store dressing room, but no. No. We don't use them. People just walk around completely nude! Without apology. Without a towel. These are people you never. ever. want to see naked. I notice the lovely girls that workout at the Y do not utilize the locker rooms, but rather go home to change. I assume this is because I am not the only one who is utterly freaked out by the cottage cheese thighs, extra skin flaps, and BARE FEET going around. This problem has irked me since I joined, but it is my habit to grab my crap out of the locker and RUN from the changing room before my eyes are burned out of the sockets. Today I took an aqua fit class that required me to shower and change in the dreaded ladies locker room. And there I met up with my Zumba nemesis. (Let me explain... so this lady is about 65 with a very typical NY personality. Pushy, frowny, forbidding looking. Every Tuesday, she takes Zumba which is a personal favorite of mine. Every Tuesday that I attend, I am in the row ahead of her because I apparently have a bit more dancing confidence, and she likes to be in the back. Every time I go to get a drink, however, she immediately takes my space! So then I have to push in on other people who are annoyed by this inconvenience until she fades back into her spot before we repeat the whole damn thing over again next time I need water. I hate do dislike someone I've never met, but I just want to bitch slap that hag. eh hem. sorry. I'll try to contain myself from here forward.) Well, my Zumba nemesis is talking to one of her friends (completely naked as usual), and as she completes a sentence, she bends over and passes her towel through her woman business to dry it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Please explain to me what's wrong with drying your woman business in the shower or at least trying to be discrete about it! I mean there she is in front of God and everybody, finishing a sentence, and doing crack maitenance. I was and actually still am simply mortified. Anyway, beware the Pittsford Y if you value modesty and you want to keep your breakfast down!

Wegman's Fish Guys: I needed salmon. That's where it all started. I got a pound and a half and asked if the guy could skin it for me. Upon making the request, the butcher looked like he would rather skin me. He growled and skinned it- or so I thought. When I got home, he had only done half of it! It made me wonder if he wasn't paying attention to the fish while he was imagining skinning the customer or if he did it on purpose!
I went in two days later for catfish. Let me explain- I don't think they do much catfish here. They had a case of pre-sliced, pre-packaged, fresh fish next to the display case. And they did have a package of catfish, 10 fillets or something. I knew we would never eat that, and frozen fish isn't my specialty, so I asked another fine gentleman behind the counter for three filets of catfish.
Fish Guy with the thick NYC accent: we don't have catfish. (said as if i'm dumb and can't read)
me: oh, I'm sorry. I thought since it was in the display case that you may have some behind the glass here.
Fish Guy: all we have is that that's in the case. you want me to break it up for you (spoken harshly as if i also asked him to wash my car and have it valet'd to me with all my grocieries pre-loaded).
me: oh.. uhm... well, maybe something that would be less trouble. uhm. do you have any trout?
Fish guy: no. we don't have no trout. we won't have trout til next Wednesday.
me: oh, oh I see...
Fish guy: you want me to break it up for you. the catfish. because i'll break it up if that's what you need. if thats what you need thats fine. you know we package this stuff together so you can save money, but if that's what you want. fine. fine. i'll break it up for you. (said as if i also needed him to drive me home, unload and put away my groceries, and give me a pedicure).
me: oh... if it's not too much trouble. I'm so sorry...
Fish guy; slaps some fish around and slams it on the counter. growl/smile
me: oh. oh thank you so much. you've been such a dear. thank you.

fish guys hate me...

Baby News: the baby kicks really high- much higher than i ever felt Nicholas move. It kind of makes me think it's a girl except that the baby is also super active! I felt him/her kick five times in a row yesterday morning! Isn't that the cutest?

Nicholas: is amazing. he repeats everything, understands nearly everything, and is learning all kinds of new and interesting ways to assert his authority.

I miss Matthew. He'll be home next Friday night. Seems like forever already, but at least the weekend is over. I hate weekends without him. so much.

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