fml

FML. The following is witty whining. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "fml" the M stands for "my" and the L stands for "life". 'Nough said. g


****Before reading this blog. on a personal note. if you know my parents. please. do not call them and bug them about crap you read here. pretend we are not related. they get all these calls about my blogs like "ohmg. why didn't you tell me about the _____?! adn when did the ______ happen?! Please stop it. If you want to call them and chat to them, do so. If you want to know the good dirt via my blog- do so. But don't out me! THANKS! *********


It all started about 2 weeks ago with the Sickness Setback. Here I was on my 2nd week of school, and Samuel John gets an ear infection. It's "the norm" at our house, but still annoying when you're just getting used to your class schedule and have to get textbooks and figure out syllabii and you're up every couple hours during the night. So we got him to the Dr. and got antibiotics. He began feeling better with the noteable exception of explosive diarrhea. All over my arm. Yeah.

Theeeeeenn ensued the great Horrifying Hormone Hillarity. I stopped breast feeding and started feeling AWESOME. I started taking birth control and started feeling crazy, cramping and having the mother nature's visit, sobbing frequently, breaking out in pimples, and the food cravings returned with a VENGEANCE. I think mother nature is actually a man because he's totally an asshole, and next time I see him- I'm going to kick him in the balls. Annnyway.

The hormone hillarity likely helped spur the communication calamity. Mom has been taking care of the children while I run around like a mad woman obtaining textbooks and i.d.s and going to class, etc. She is, therefore, exhausted. In fact, I'm probably not her favorite person. Mom has this face- it's the same face whether she's mad at you, exhausted, or sick. The mouth says "Jessica. Stop asking. I'm fiiiiiine." The face says "get the hell away from me before I slap you upside your head." So I kept asking her in various ways what was wrong trying to discern the problem until finally I just got pissed off at her and started stomping around. So here she is thinking I'm a totally ungrateful brat who is mad at her for being tired, and I'm thinking she is really mad at me and refuses to tell me why but in the mean time won't hug me or chit chat with me. Anyway, we sorted it all out after some tears, and I am definetly seeking some more help with babysitting so that she won't be so tired.

Dad came home from Ecuador somewhere around week 2 of school for me. When I saw him, he looked way yucky. Tired or bothered by his allergies or catching a cold or something. Begin Flu Fiasco. He spent like a day in bed, began having trouble breathing, brutal body aches, and intense head pain. Mom took him to the ER where they ascertained he had H3N5 or H1N1 or H2N6^2 or some crap. He had brought home holy hell flu from Ecuador and was only beginning a battle that is still continuing on now. He has anti-virals and inhalers and steroids and all kinds of freakin' craziness. I was PETRIFIED that we were all gonna get it. At that point, the plan was to just drop out of school and move into a cardboard box or something. But anyway, by some MIRACLE, even Mama who was sleeping in the same bed with him, managed to avoid it. Thank you, Jesus!

After the hormone hillarity, and the communication calamity, and the flu fiasco, I was ready to just get back to my darn homework. Fail. Commence Computer Crisis. I turned my computer off- it was fine. I turned my computer On- it would not turn on. I tried all kinds of different things as advised by computer guru friends, called Dell who happily informed me my warantee had expired, contacted best buy where hubby had purchased the laptop- no dice. I decided I HAD to get it evaluated, so I called this "fix it" co. The guy explained that he could get to it that night, and I may even have it by the next morning- yay! I drove out there and dropped it off. Next morning? No call. I called
"oh- ehm- it's not the OS, it's the hard drive. Do you want me to replace it?"
"yes."
"ok."
"ok what? when will it be done"
"oh. uhm, the tech is on another case at someone's home and gets off at 4. i'll let him know you want it replaced."
"oh. then... when I can I have it?"
"tomorrow, I get out of class at 1, so i'll call you then"
"will anyone be at the store for me to pick it up before 1?"
"no, I'll have it with me"

next day
"hi. do you have my comp fixed?"
"oh, I think the tech comes home around 3, so I should know for sure by then"
"when can i come get it???!!!"
"Well i have class at 5, so hopefully before then because I won't be here after then"
"can I go to the tech's house and pick it up?"
"oh. yeah. that'd be fine."

I call the tech
"hi. i'm the woman on the edge with the inspiron."
"did you pay?"
"yes"
"you can come get it. i fixed it :) "
"ok."
"oh- one other thing. did you give us a power cord."
"YES.... WHY?"
"shop owner guy didn't give me the power cord."
"*thinks to herself "fml"*"

I call the shop guy
"power cord?"
"oh. right. i gave danny the wrong one."
"i'll leave it outside the store in a bag, so after you pick up your laptop from his house, you can drive over here and get the power cord at the shop"
"geee, thanks."

Then of course, by the time i did all that running around, I was late to class which I do NOT like, and it cost me an extra hour away from my kids- an extra hour my exhausted mom and sick dad watched them for me. Fine.

A;SDFLKJASD;L FA;LSDJFA;SDLNV;BSNA; uhm. anyway. so they did fix the thing. I'm on it now, and it's processing like a champ, but I swear my head exploded a couple of times during the whole thing.

While all this was going on, I was attempting to piece together my life because of course two of my textbooks are ebooks and more than half my notes are on the damn laptop. I go to class Monday morning, and my teacher, Jerry, likes to play with the lights. Turn them on. Dim them. Turn them off. Brighten them. I guess he thinks it will help us keep our pulse and o2 saturations to normal levels while in his coma- uh- i mean- "class". So I find the light thing annoying, but not like Monday. Monday I found the light thing painful, and then reading was painful, and then it was painful just to breathe, and then I felt like I was going to puke, and then I did puke. May I present: the Migraine Misfortune! yay! I tumbled out of class, called a few people who had had migraines before and asked them what to purchase from Walgreens to maybe keep my cranium from oozing out my nostril. Excedrine for Migraines is a miracle, and about an hour later, I could focus AND function. go figure.

Test Tribulation. Now no computer means I have to go to campus to take my online quizzes, and I have no notes. I take the quizes and do decently. I have to take the test a day early b/c mom and dad have to go home a day early, and I didn't realize that the test was this week. So I take the stupid thing and..... BAM. C. FML!!!!!! It's not awful. I just can't believe I'm starting out the semester with a freaking C. Not to mention I feel like I'm letting everyone down because everyone is making all these sacrifices for me to even go to school and I'm already screwing it up.

Workout Woes kick off here. All this stress and hormonal psychotic episodes up until this point has kept me from the gym and in the cookie bag. So Wednesday morning, mom says, "do you want to go to the gym?"
I say "no... not really."
"really."
"uh...."
"after all those spaghettios, and half a cookies and cream chocolate bar, and bread, and spaghetti. really. you're not going to the gym."
" *thinks to herself 'fml' " "okay mom. i'll get my bag."

i pack the shampoo and the water bottle and shoes like I usually do.
Samuel John is like "what the hell, mother. it is time for my morning nap. why am i dressed? why am i in the car? i hate you" I can tell this is what he's thinking. all he really said was something like "a-da" and "yawn" but anyway, I digress.

Prepare for the Mp3 Mishap: I get to the gym. I pee. Oh. Look. I've bled through my workout clothes- awesome. Oh. Look. MY MP3 PLAYER AND HEADPHONES HAVE DROWNED IN THE WHOOOLE BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO THAT HAS EMPTIED ITSELF IN MY GYM BAG! Are you freaking kidding me. So all my favorite mp3s? Can't reload them if I ever get a new mp3 player because all my files were unsalvageable from my hard drive. Now I have no awesome music on my computer or my mp3 player and no mp3 player or awesome pink headphones which my husband purchased specially for me right before he left for the sandbox to rock it out at the gym. I go work out in discretely bloody pants for 30 minutes and try to get on some machines- too freakin busy. I give up and go to hit the showers- all of them taken. I go to pick Samuel up from the KidZone- pissy, making everyone miserable, and tired.

Here's what I've taken from the Weeks of Whining and Wah.
Just Be Grateful!
If you get a sickness setback, quit feeling sorry for yourself and just be grateful it's not a flu fiasco.
If you have a computer crisis which causes a test tribulation- just be grateful that it's only a hard drive that's exploded and not your head i.e. migraine mishap.
If your hormones are horrific, beware communication calamity and treat yourself gently. i.e. don't go to the gym until your ready, even if you did gain three pounds because God may send you home with something like workout woes and an mp3 misfortune. Just be grateful that hormones are temporary and your family is amazing and will likely forgive you.

I'm currently having a shot, and I don't mean a vaccination. Here's to a new week with far less whining, wah, and woah!

If you read this- you're amazing. Thanks ;)